I am one of those people who sets high goals . . which is fine. It is fine until I run in to things that are out of my control. Sometimes I am very good at ignoring the reality of what is out of my control and hanging my hopes on what I want to happen. Then I crash in to reality at some point. Reality sucks sometimes.
Tuesday I went to physical therapy and I did so good! He said that on Friday I would be re-evaluated. I asked him, very hopefully, if I would be able to run again! He said we would have to wait and see how I did. So today was the day! And I was not cleared to run.
It is ridiculous, the sadness. It is truly ridiculous to feel this way. I knew it was a long shot. I knew I still can't kick my shoe off my foot without cringing or yelling. But I was rocking the exercises I had been given! So maybe, just maybe . . .
Not only did I not pass. I made my knee swell way up again with these other exercises that made me hurt. *sigh* So now I have new things to work on . . new, hurtful, painful, tedious, annoying, frustrating, things to work on.
Although I am fighting this pity party I've got going on here, tonight I am thankful that this is temporary. I keep reminding myself of this. I will heal. I will, one day, be whole again. I will get there. I just have to be patient and realistic . . . unfortunately, these are not always my strong points . .