Friday, January 15, 2016

Frustration

I am one of those people who sets high goals . . which is fine.  It is fine until I run in to things that are out of my control.  Sometimes I am very good at ignoring the reality of what is out of my control and hanging my hopes on what I want to happen.  Then I crash in to reality at some point.  Reality sucks sometimes.
Tuesday I went to physical therapy and I did so good!  He said that on Friday I would be re-evaluated.  I asked him, very hopefully, if I would be able to run again!  He said we would have to wait and see how I did.  So today was the day!  And I was not cleared to run.
It is ridiculous, the sadness.  It is truly ridiculous to feel this way.  I knew it was a long shot.  I knew I still can't kick my shoe off my foot without cringing or yelling.  But I was rocking the exercises I had been given!  So maybe, just maybe . . .
Not only did I not pass.  I made my knee swell way up again with these other exercises that made me hurt.  *sigh*  So now I have new things to work on . . new, hurtful, painful, tedious, annoying, frustrating, things to work on.
Although I am fighting this pity party I've got going on here, tonight I am thankful that this is temporary.  I keep reminding myself of this.  I will heal.  I will, one day, be whole again.  I will get there.  I just have to be patient and realistic . . . unfortunately, these are not always my strong points . .

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