Sunday, February 28, 2016

A Season

Many a person out there would subscribe to the thought that people are creatures of habit.  I have always seen myself as a person who could not commit to a habit.
I don't get up at the same time every day.  I don't go to bed at the same time every day.  I change my favorite food, song, color, etc. regularly.  I don't want the same thing to eat or drink every morning.
I've never bit my nails.  I can't keep the same hair length and be happy with it.  I'm a homebody until I want to go out driving all day.  I'm usually late, unless I'm way early.  I don't have a favorite route home.  I listen to country music, until I change the station to a variety of other stations.
Yeah . . consistency has never been my thing.
Then I became a mom.  Kids need consistency.  I fought it for awhile.  I mean, I kept the kids consistent with naps and all.  But I wasn't going to change.  I was going to stay me, floating around like the wind.
Then I started my own business.  Then the business got bigger.  Then I added more businesses.  Then the kids got older.  Then the kids got in to more activities.
Now my calendar app dings at me early Sunday mornings to get up and organize the week.  I go over the sales ad, make the meal plan, and grocery list.  With the beginning of a new month coming, I update the calendars.  There is my desktop calendar, the calendar in the kitchen, my calendar app for my work stuff, and the shared family calendar app - yes, we are both digital and on paper.  It is a little repetitive.  But all six people in this family have access to at least one calendar.  And I can keep everyone and everything straight.
Yesterday I was remembering when I was 20.  I was in my very own first house that I decorated how I wanted.  I worked 7 to 3, Monday thru Friday.  I went to school at night, finishing my degree.  But I walked down to the lake when I wanted.  I went and got take out when I wanted.  I spent my weekends doing whatever I wanted.
I think about where I am now.  This past week was rough.  I was slammed with work.  I had a sick family.  I wasn't feeling super wonderful myself (although I'm not complaining because I never got as sick as Sammy).
And I thought about where I'll be in 10 years.  In 10 years, my baby will be in his last year of high school.  My other three will be in college and beyond.  On our current plan, the house will be paid off.  I won't be taking on so much work.  I won't need to.  Our plan that we have right now will have led us to a good place of financial freedom with no loans and productive investments.  The calendar will be much less empty.  I won't need to be so organized then.  I won't need to try so hard to keep habits that keep the family running smoothly.  I'll be sleeping at night.  I won't be as frenzied or as stressed.
And I'll be missing this.  I'll be wishing I could step back in time to when 23 1/2 hours of every day are lived for someone else.  I'll smile when I think of how much this family needed me.  It won't be the same then though.  This person I've become for my family won't be there.  She'll have served her organized, hard-working purpose.  And I'll be a different version of me then.  A good version I'm sure, but still different.
Tonight I am thankful for perspective.  I'm thankful that when I get stressed or tired or missing the gypsy soul-ed person that I used to be; that I see that I have chosen to be the person that I am now.  My early Sunday morning organization habit is nothing that I have ever desired.  But I choose it now.  I choose it because this is what my family needs.  And this is what I need to to keep life running smoothly.  I'm thankful for the clarity to see that this is temporary.  This is a season.
It's easy to feel trapped sometimes.  It's easy to want to run.  Until I look at things differently.  Perspective is the key.  This week will be busy.  It will be busy because we are blessed.  Everyone is feeling healthier.  The kids are all healthy and whole and can keep up with school and activities and life.  My business is healthy and doing well.  The hubster and I are feeling better and ready to take on another week.  And I'm getting better at remembering several steps before I get to teared exhaustion to stop trying to do it all on my own.  "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

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