Saturday, February 6, 2016

Not Feminist

I don't consider myself a feminist.  I consider myself an equal.  I consider myself equal to you, your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, and any other person that you may know.  My attitude of comfortableness sometimes makes people uncomfortable.  But over the years I've decided that says more about the other person than it does about me.
I was raised with my brother.  And we were treated equal.  I was thinking about it this morning and I really only remember 2 specific times that my mom treated us different.  One makes sense now.  And the other was the only disagreement I've had with her where I think I won.  I'm really not sure.  But she dropped it.
I raise my children as equals.  The boys work in the barn.  The girls work in the barn.  The girls learn to sew up their broken toys.  The boys learn to sew up their broken toys.  The boys work on cars.  The girls work on cars.  The girls make dinner.  The boys make dinner.  Although boys and girls are fundamentally different, they are capable and should have expectations to the same standard.
So this morning when I was scrolling on a mom's group page on facebook, I couldn't shake the little picture of two boys in tuxedos that read "Raise your son to be the man of his wife's dreams".  That pissed me off.  Can you imagine the outrage if someone had put girls in the picture and written "Raise your daughter to be the woman of her husband's dreams"?  That would have landed national news.
I have much higher expectations from my boys than to grow up and try to fit a preconceived mold that a woman has for him - any woman, especially the one that he falls in love with.  My highest hope is that my boys fall in love with a woman who appreciates them for everything they are and loves them in spite of things that they are not.  Because they won't be perfect.  They will be gentlemen and they will know chivalry because it is kind and it is respectful.  But they won't be raised to be a hero to a woman or to "save" a woman.  Because any woman worth having won't be looking for those things.
Now take that last paragraph and switch the male and female rolls.  Because I'm raising my women to grow up and be themselves also.  They don't need to grow up and try to fit a preconceived mold that a man has for them - any man, especially the one that she falls in love with.  My highest hope is that my girls fall in love with a man who appreciates them for everything they are and loves them in spite of the things that they are not.  Because they won't be perfect.  They will be ladies because it is kind and it is respectful.  But they won't be raised to look for a hero or to look for a man to "tame".  Because any man worth having won't be looking for those things.
So to the woman who thought she was clever making that little sign and passing it along the internet, I don't at all regret to inform you that my sons will not be raised to be the man of your girl's dreams.  They will be themselves - and that will be more than good enough.  And may I humbly suggest that you go talk to your girl before she grows up and let her know that people are flawed and that dreaming of a her ideal man is far beneath what her goals for herself should be in life.
This morning I am thankful for not being raised to chase fairy tales, but to chase goals.  I am thankful for not being raised to look for a man to complete me, but to believe in myself whether single or taken.  And I am thankful for the chance to raise my children the same way.

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