Monday, February 22, 2016

Why I Hit

Statistics are out there about women getting sexually assaulted.  There are all sorts of surveys that measure all sorts of stuff.  The numbers are sickening.  And I applaud groups working towards bringing awareness and education on this matter.  I do not believe that change is impossible.  I do believe that change takes a long time.
And in that long time that it would take, my daughters are growing; as are my sons.  So far in their lives I have noticed that the studies are correct.  Showing sex and violence on tv, in movies, and in song lyrics definitely has had an impact on today's youth.  My son is getting sickened listening to the boys in class.  And has come home asking me what all sorts of things are.  He is 11 and he asked me what 69 is.  I don't remember hearing that until high school.  My daughter is being groped in the hallway and having comments said to her that no boy or man should ever say to anyone.
We talk to the school.  And I greatly appreciate the school being willing to help.  Here is my personal experience though, parents need to get involved and there needs to be big repercussions here - more than the school can issue.
I will never forget the first time I was touched in appropriately.  I was 16.  I gave a "friend" a ride home from school.  He gave me a hug to thank me and reached his hand right on around.  I felt violated.  But I was speechless.  I didn't know what to do or say.  I went home and told my brother, as it was a friend of his too.  His comment to me was "What did you do?"  And the tone in his voice pissed me off.  What did I do?  WHAT DID I DO?  Why was this on me?  Why didn't he go beat this guy up?
Here's the truth of life.  You can't rely on anyone to save you.  And you are only a victim if you choose to stay a victim.  That was the one and only time that I did not hit someone for touching me.  Later on I put that guy in a headlock and only let up on his neck when he dropped down to his knees and was turning blue.  Although I would like to think that having a big discussion with this person could have persuaded him to change his ways; it wouldn't have.  He knew better.  I knew his family.  I knew how he was raised.  I don't know why he thought that was ok to do.  I do know that he never did it again to me.
I give my girls permission to hit in such circumstances also; with discretion of course.  But I won't have them be victims.  And if my boys ever touched a girl like that, I would expect them to be hit as well.  I pray that my boys never listen to the world more than they listen to their own conscious and their mother that such touching is not Ok . .ever!
It's a mentality that has to change.  I will never forget when I was working as a night manager at a   store.  I was 21, I think, and there was a boy working that night who was 16 or 17.  He grabbed my butt so I turned around and punched him in the stomach.  He doubled over and got mad.  He said to me, "I'm going to tell my mom that you hit me!"  Ok, first off . . seriously??  You grab my butt and you're going to tell your mom.  He was thinking he was going to get me in trouble because he was a minor and I hit him.  I told him, "Go ahead and tell her.  And I'll tell her what a pervert her son is, and why I hit you".
Ok, now I'm not saying violence is always the way to go in every situation.  But think about the last paragraph.  It was ok in this boy's mind to grab my butt, but not for him to have any repercussions from that?  How do you deal with that mentality?  He thinks it is fine because grabbing a butt is an every day thing, right?  No big deal, right?  Wrong!  Sometimes actions speak louder than words.
This has been bugging me for awhile now.  I would love to change the world for my children.  But I can't.  I can make them stronger though.  And I will change what I can of the world, one phone call at a time, one email at a time, and millions and millions of prayers.  I've got some bigger ideas for change that are growing in the back of my head . . big ideas . . . ideas to take on a generation.
Tonight I am thankful that the situation is not as bleak as it sometimes sits in my soul.  The world is not always pretty.  The big picture of life is not stuck in this world.  John 15:19 " . . you are not of the world but I chose you out of the world".  We are not alone.  So we are starting here, in this life, with these people, and trying to get thru to their level; while trying to preserve my babies' innocence.  It is a mountainous task.  Good thing God moves mountains!  (Matthew 17:20)

1 comment:

  1. Gread read and perspective Jessie! I wish I had been as bold as you when I was younger and this happened to me several times. Thanks! Its nice to know we're not alone! :)