Saturday, April 9, 2016

Asked For Help

It all started maybe, one and a half to two years ago or so.  And, I think I know how it started.
For years and years I worked too much and slept too little.  I hung on with a Mt. Dew in my hand and five minute power naps when I simply couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.  But I could still do it.  Then it started getting harder and harder to keep up.  I think it started then, after too many years of wearing myself down too much.
I had read about the brominated vegetable oil used in Mt Dew and how it coats a thyroid and does not allow the thyroid to absorb iodine - which a thyroid needs greatly to run correctly.  I thought maybe that was part of the problem.  So I gave up my life-long friend in the green bottle.  I expected things to get better for me.  But they got worse.  I think at that point, I took away something that my body was used to and just threw it for a loop.
Last year started my research on the thyroid.  I wanted to fix it naturally.  I've added supplements.  I've increased my sleep amount considerably.  And I have finally admitted that I can't fix this myself. I don't admit defeat easily.  From what I've read and studied, I do still believe it is possible.  But, I just don't have the lifestyle of rest that is needed to help repair the damage that I've done to myself.
So last week I met with my doctor.  We've made a plan.  I am going to be starting thyroid medication.  And I honestly didn't expect to feel this excited.  I really am.  I made a good effort to fix this naturally.  But it just keeps getting worse.  And I am tired of suffering.  My suffering is mild compared to many, and I realize this.  So I try not to complain.  But it is constant.
I want to make it through an entire day and not be completely exhausted.  I want to look in the mirror and see me; not the zombie-like me that always looks like she is months behind on sleep.  I want to not be afraid to eat a full meal because I know I'll gain two pounds.  I want to exercise and see the results from it - not just have it make me gain more weight and zap all my energy from the day.  I want to look at my skin and not have it always look like I've just walked five miles in a desert's blazing sun.  The list goes on and on, but it comes down to the fact that I want myself back.
So I'll work with the doctor and hopefully this won't be forever.  If medicine can help fix everything and get me back to normal; maybe over time I can wean off the medicine in keeping with a healthy lifestyle.  Because I know that the fault here is my own.  I inadvertently started my body on this downward spiral.  And hopefully once it's all fixed, I can do good things to keep my body going strong this time.
Tonight I am thankful for finally asking for help.  I am stubborn.  I put it off for awhile now.  But now, things will change.  And I can't wait to see them change!

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