Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Fear

When I was 17, I loaded up my truck with a bunch of boxes and took off for Oklahoma.  It was my freshman year of college and I had been so excited.  I was excited until I left.  I was leaving behind this guy that I had grown pretty attached to.  I cried for about 14 hours of the 16/17 hour trip.  My wonderful mother offered to drive.  But I didn't want to.  I thought if I was just sitting there in the passenger seat, that I would surely cry even more.  Besides the emotional aspect, I made the drive just fine.
When I was 24 I had two babies at home and I took off on a one and a half hour drive to take my first classes towards becoming an appraiser.  I really hadn't driven anywhere more than our small towns and back roads for the past many years.  Driving in the urban sprawl with snow and slush had me trembling with fear.  I almost turned around.  I was so scared.  I saw a SUV going the opposite way on the highway spin out and hit the concrete median with a huge crash.  If the concrete hadn't been there, the SUV would have hit me.  I was so shaken.  I pulled to the side of the highway and called my mom, who was home with my babies, and told her that I might be coming home.
Long story short, I kept driving.  I made it to my class.  And I made it to the next classes after that.
Sometimes I think about things like that; about how one long, life changing drive was difficult, but I didn't waiver because all I could see was the goal in front of me.  And how one, much shorter life changing drive almost had me turning around because I let fear sit down in the passenger seat.
I've never been a fan of fear.  In fact, I tend to get very angry when I realize that I let fear creep in.  Anger can be a good motivator, when channeled correctly.  And knowing where fear comes from, reminding myself that fear is not from God, remembering that fear is a weapon of the enemy to stop me from getting where I'm going . . . well, that makes me angry.  I get mad at that.  And when a person gets mad enough, they do something about it.
Tonight I am thankful for the times that I didn't turn around.  I'm thankful for the times that fear didn't change my mind.  And I'm thankful for getting mad at that fear and pushing farther and harder towards the goal!

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