Sunday, May 22, 2016

Hurting Myself

Some changes in life are instant.  Others take a long time.
The school year of 2015/2016 for me, has been a revelation of sorts.  Although I've had an inkling for awhile, the past 9 months have proved undoubtedly that I need to change my way of thinking concerning myself.  It is both humbling and relieving.
I have always known that if I push hard enough, that I can do anything I set my mind to.  And I am still unwaivering on that point.
But the price for all that pushing has been parts of myself.  I can no longer deny that the majority of my recent health troubles have been caused by none other than myself.  Yes, I can push and push and push.  I can get three weeks of work done in one week, while taking care of the kids, and being there for the hubby.  But it's not healthy to do so.  This may sound like common sense to most of you.  I guess for me, it was one of those things that I had to learn the hard way.
It's kind of funny how God brings about things at certain times.  I've been floundering, kind of, with coming up with a plan on how to change.  I know I need to.  I've tried a few different times, half-heartedly.  Then these things pop up in my life within weeks:  working with the doctor, although not confirmed quite yet, it appears my problems are more my adrenal glands, which are upsetting my thyroid.  Guess what adrenal glands need to stay healthy?  Rest, consistent healthy habits, and low stress.  I do think I handle stress well - although I'll admit there is a lot of stressful things in my life.  But I don't rest near enough.  And I am almost never consistent with healthy habits.  So, there's that.
This morning I was reading a site I love, Dashing Dish.  There was a blog post that I missed earlier this week, directed at women for women's bodies, about listening to your body and giving it what it needs.  I haven't done that like I should for years.  I'll listen to my body for maybe a few hours and feel I've done good.  But I know I'm fooling myself to think that a few hours of listening can undo days and weeks of ignoring my body, knowing that it can take on more.
This morning I also had some nice quiet time.  I was praying and thinking, and thinking and praying.  And it is clear to me some changes that I need to make both professionally and personally.  I love the Boundaries books. (If you haven't read them, I highly recommend it!)  But, I rarely practice boundaries with business.  Well, I do to an extent.  But not as far as protecting my well being and best interest.  This will change.
As for personally, I have seen the light on my involvement with many things.  Next year, I won't be the football coach for flag football.  I won't be a scout leader for Boy Scouts.  I will keep on cheerleading; but I may change some of my original plans with this.  And we are going to have some heart to heart talks with the kids about which activities they are doing because they are passionate, versus which activities they are doing just to do.
I really want to drive that home for the kids.  I don't want them to wake up one day and realize that they've worked themselves in to a state less than what they should be.  Working hard and pushing yourself is great, within reason.  And I have not been a good example of what "within reason" truly is.  But I will be.
Tonight I am thankful for continuing revelations about things I need to change to be better.  I am thankful that God is patient because seriously, the next thing to get my attention with all this should be a bolt of lightening!  But he is patient and kind and loving; and has been waiting for me to figure out what I have been doing.  I know that state.  I've been in that state watching my own children.  I know I'm not alone in fixing this.  And I'm sure it'll take me awhile . . . but it will be good.  And it will be worth it!

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