Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Joy Thief

It started yesterday.  And I let it get to me.
I had only been working with this particular company for maybe a month.  I should have done more background checking on them I suppose.  I have spent more time in the past year or so checking out potential clients - as I've encountered some crappy ones over the years.
Then this one.  *sigh*  Or maybe it isn't the whole company.  Maybe it is just the person I was speaking to.  He flashed his title in my face (which really wasn't impressive anyway, I could call myself the same title for my company if I was so inclined).  Anyway, then he starts fabricating facts and threatening me.  Oh, I do not like being threatened.  And I keep pretty darn good records.  So I sent some of those records and the correct facts to him and copied others the company.
Today there was more of the same.  And I should have just let it be.  I knew this man wasn't going to listen.  I provided facts and documents and he fabricated more facts and stated more unsupported accusations.  There are some people that just don't care what truth is.  I know this.  But I let my pride get in the way.  And I responded.
Then I did some heavy duty praying because I just felt unsettled.  I knew I should have just let it lie.  He wasn't interested in the truth.  I should have turned on my heel and left the drama in his lap.  But I didn't.  I felt like my children, who always want to have the last word.  And I am always saying to them, that there are many more important things than having the last word - like peace.  The peace I refer to with them isn't always the peace between the two arguing parties, sometimes it is just personal peace.  And that is a lesson I should have remembered today.
I have trouble forgiving myself for my imperfections at times.  It only takes a small amount of time in prayer and in God's peace to turn that around.  And I pray for peace.  I pray for peace a lot.  And peace comes.  Forgiveness comes.  Now I have to let this lay.  I don't want to pick it up again. Wouldn't it be easier if we could physically see when we mentally pick things up again.  Maybe it would be easier to stop?
Tonight I am thankful for a God who wants us to have peace and forgiveness and love.  I don't even want to think about what kind of anxious, contradictory, self-hating mess I would be without God.  He loves me when I don't love me.  He forgives me when I can't forgive me.  And he gives peace when I can't find it and probably don't deserve it.  He lifts me back up to the good places in life when I drag myself down.

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