It started yesterday. And I let it get to me.
I had only been working with this particular company for maybe a month. I should have done more background checking on them I suppose. I have spent more time in the past year or so checking out potential clients - as I've encountered some crappy ones over the years.
Then this one. *sigh* Or maybe it isn't the whole company. Maybe it is just the person I was speaking to. He flashed his title in my face (which really wasn't impressive anyway, I could call myself the same title for my company if I was so inclined). Anyway, then he starts fabricating facts and threatening me. Oh, I do not like being threatened. And I keep pretty darn good records. So I sent some of those records and the correct facts to him and copied others the company.
Today there was more of the same. And I should have just let it be. I knew this man wasn't going to listen. I provided facts and documents and he fabricated more facts and stated more unsupported accusations. There are some people that just don't care what truth is. I know this. But I let my pride get in the way. And I responded.
Then I did some heavy duty praying because I just felt unsettled. I knew I should have just let it lie. He wasn't interested in the truth. I should have turned on my heel and left the drama in his lap. But I didn't. I felt like my children, who always want to have the last word. And I am always saying to them, that there are many more important things than having the last word - like peace. The peace I refer to with them isn't always the peace between the two arguing parties, sometimes it is just personal peace. And that is a lesson I should have remembered today.
I have trouble forgiving myself for my imperfections at times. It only takes a small amount of time in prayer and in God's peace to turn that around. And I pray for peace. I pray for peace a lot. And peace comes. Forgiveness comes. Now I have to let this lay. I don't want to pick it up again. Wouldn't it be easier if we could physically see when we mentally pick things up again. Maybe it would be easier to stop?
Tonight I am thankful for a God who wants us to have peace and forgiveness and love. I don't even want to think about what kind of anxious, contradictory, self-hating mess I would be without God. He loves me when I don't love me. He forgives me when I can't forgive me. And he gives peace when I can't find it and probably don't deserve it. He lifts me back up to the good places in life when I drag myself down.