Saturday, June 4, 2016

Maybe?

It happened last weekend.  I saw a picture of myself and was appalled. I seriously became so depressed; there was no cheering me up and I went to bed.  Tonight I saw another one.  I started to feel that way again, and then I realized that the pockets on my jacket had been filled with stuff - so I cut myself a break.
The hubby insisted it was a bad picture.  But it didn't matter.  I have been trying so hard.  So hard to just even maintain anything.  I had honestly given up on improving anything.  I just didn't want to get worse.  I was already heavier than I wanted and then the knee thing.  I  have moments where I think it's making great improvements, only to have something like walking around on a field trip send me back to the ice and ibuprofen.  How can I improve myself much when I can't even walk around right?
I've watched what I've been eating.  And that is even more depressing.  There are days when I just can't eat enough.  But most of my days are not filled with food.  Most of my days I just don't have an appetite.  I've watched calories.  I've kept a food journal.  It really isn't inspiring at all to see that a normal day has less than the calories suggested I "reduce my intake" to in order to lose weight.
I'm still working with the doctor.  And I'm trying hard not to get frustrated with this process either.  Right at first there was hope.  And then nothing.  It fizzled right out.  So, more tests, right?  Not my thing.
Last week I met an old friend for a sample of Thrive.  I have now finished my 6 day sample.  And I'm liking it.  I should have been dragging and falling asleep on my feet this week and on the field trip.  But I made it thru pretty darn well!  And with energy!
So far the only difference is in how I feel - which is enough for me right now!  I have eaten horribly for the last few days: today just not caring, and the prior two days on a bus.  This week I will go back to my normal eating habits.  And I will try my best to sleep.  I am really hoping for some good changes here.
Tonight I am thankful for renewed hope!  Maybe my body just needs this new blast of natural supplements to get it out of this rut?  I do know I need to sleep more.  But that alone really can't be the root of all of this, can it?  I have no idea.  I guess I'll find out.  For now, I'll do what I can.

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