Friday, July 8, 2016

Fell Off The Wagon

Aaaand, my struggle with scheduling hits home . . . again.  I guess I hid my problem during the first few weeks after the school year ended.  I'm not a closet bad-scheduler . . . I mean, I can admit it . . . I've made some great improvements too, back during the school year . . . and then, with summer break, I've fallen off the wagon.
I've landed from my wagon-falling with a giant THUD!  It can be see on my kiddo's faces when I'm working . . again.
It's so hard, ya know?  I've made these big goals for our family, and for myself.  And I get sent this work that I could do . . . somehow . . I could squeeze it in, right?  And this extra work will help us reach these goals sooner.  Then I get caught up in it.  And 15 - 17 out of 24 hours in a day are spent working.  When I'm home, the kids can come in and out, so it's not like I'm away that whole time.  But then I'm spending maybe 2 hours broken up throughout the day on things like eating, showering, laundry, dishes, etc.  I'm sleeping not enough . .  AGAIN.
In the back of my mind has been two conflicting voices.  One is saying, "Keep pushing!  You'll get to your goals faster!  You can do it!"  And the other is saying "This is too much.  It doesn't matter if you can do it.  You shouldn't do it.  There are other, better things you should be doing with your time".
Well I know which voice is correct.  But it's hard.  I really am a work-aholic.  All my times of jokingly calling myself that name have been correct.  I actually have a problem saying no to work.
I had a talk with the kiddos this morning.  I am going to make myself use my calendar again to schedule everything.  I HATE scheduling everything!!!  But, it's what I need to do, since I plan my days like I have 42 hours in a day instead of 24.  I will practice saying "no" more.  I will set work boundaries again.  I just left all these good practices when school was over.  It was like, well a big part of the house's schedule went away, I should just let everything stop.  But that wasn't a good idea.  Well, it wasn't an idea at all - I just did it.
Tonight I am thankful for the kids being open and honest with me about my problem.  This is really ridiculous, how much I have a problem walking away from work.  It is not the important thing in my life.  It isn't by far.  But that's not how I've been living.  So I'll work on this . . again.  But I will get back in line  . . . again.  I'm thankful I have time to fix this.  I'm thankful I have support to fix this.  And I'm thankful that I have prayer to fix this!  Because I really need more strength than my own to do this right!

No comments:

Post a Comment