Sunday, July 24, 2016

Pep

I don't know if it is an adult thing or a tired thing, but I've figured out that I give myself more and more pep talks lately.
It seems like when I was in my late teens / twenties and gave myself pep talks it was more of a confidence, be-brave, deep breath, kind of, I-can-do-this kind of pep talk.  More recently it seems to have become more of a big breath, re-counting how far I've come, keep-pushing-forward kind of pep talk.  I think my more recent pep talks are more summoning energy and focus because I've set bigger goals.
When I was 16 I had decided that I wanted to go to college in Oklahoma.  And I remember laying in bed at night planning on how I could make it all work.  I applied for scholarships.  I learned about financial aid.  I even bought a truck, instead of my car, so that I could move myself down there easier.  For 16, that was a pretty big goal.  It was scary, but it was exciting!
Now, almost 20 years later my goal is to pay off the bills including the house.  This is a big goal.  It isn't scary . . it is overwhelming at times.  And it isn't really exciting.  I'll be excited when this is all done.  When we make that last payment, I'll be very excited!  For now, I feel like I'm just trudging along.
But this is what it takes.  I know this.  To get where we are going, there will be trudging.  There will be days when it feels like we aren't going anywhere.  There will be days when it seems that this is an impossible goal.  There will be days when I think maybe I should just forget about it, the goal is too big, it's just too big.
These are the days that I take a big breath.  These are the days that I recount how far we've come.  These are the days that I give myself a pep talk to keep going!  The only difference between where I am now and where I want to be, is me.  I see that.  And I remind myself of that.
Tonight I am thankful that tired and ready to give up are just fleeting emotions.  Because emotions are fleeting.  They never stay.  God gave us a heart and a mind so they can work together.  And when my heart grows tired, my mind will remind it to hang in there, we can do this, we can make this work!

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