Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Again . .

I'm not anti-Brittany Spears.  But I'm not really a fan either.  I'm kind of neutral I suppose.  But today I was very close to singing, "Oops, I did it again".
It all started last week.  My daughter really wanted me to not bring any work on our Chicago trip.  I started last week behind in work.  I worked long hours, every day.  I was sleeping 4 hours each night.  I got so close to being caught up, though not at all ahead.
Then we lost our loved one.  It's just hard to keep working sometimes.
I explained that I would need to bring some work with me because we would have the funeral once we got back.  She understood.  But really, there wasn't a ton of extra time to get work done.  Pretty much just the train ride and a couple hours in the hotel in the morning.
After the last few days, I've just been exhausted - physically and emotionally.  I'm behind again.  Quite a bit behind actually, as my mind and concentration have just not been where it needs to be.  It is stressful.
This morning I left for an appointment, after not having done enough at my desk . . . again.  And I could almost physically feel the stress I was carrying.  I was driving and praying.  In my prayers I asked for help.  Then it dawned on me . . again.  I had done it again.  I had tried to take all this life stuff on myself.  And the stress was wearing on me.  I wondered why does it take me getting so dragged down to ask God for help?  Why do I have to be on the verge of exhausted tears before I pray for peace and strength?  I've been here before.  And here I am again.
I am thankful tonight that God is patient and forgiving, because I am stubborn and narrow-visioned at times!  I am thankful that every time I pray for peace, I find peace.  Not always in my time, but always in God's.  I know that it will take a lot of work to unbury myself from this work hole I am in.  This time I am being smarter though.  I have been turning away work, quite a bit of work.  I am not accepting any new work at the moment.  I remembered today that peace does not come from a cleaned and caught up desk, but from God.  And I remembered today that God gave me a mind to make good decisions about my life and myself; like decisions on not working myself out of sleep and a sound mind!

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