Friday, September 30, 2016

Grace

Well it's been quite a week.  I hate to say that I'm so glad a week is over when it had such great things in it.  But for every great thing, there was something crappy also.
I would like to think that I have the weekend to recover.  But the weekend is filled up too.  Mental and emotional exhaustion are setting in and making it so that I do not want to leave my bed for a week.
I was talking with a friend earlier this week about mindsets.  And that is the crossroads that I am at now.  I am watching myself now and trying hard to turn at every corner that beckons sadness.  Tonight as I was driving home in the dark from working another way-too-many-hours day, I was thinking about expectancy.
At some point we expect that our lives should be easy.  We expect that we should have certain things or have life be a certain way.  And that's just not the way it is.  Very few things in life are given to you freely.  You've got to be ready to work hard.  And when things get tough, you've got to be ready to get up one more time than you're dragged down.  Why?  Because that's life.  My goals in life include being happy.  And I know me - I won't be happy unless I work hard for my goals.
Tonight I started to beat myself up that I am so busy because I wanted this.  I've built this life.  I didn't say no to things - instead, I said bring it on.  And that's ok.  (Geesh, I'm changing my mood as I write this even!)  I made some big decisions this week to help life run a little smoother - hopefully!  And I've done a lot of praying on things this week.  Praying to get things in line better, praying for my kids, praying for my friends, praying that my blunt words didn't drive away a friend, and praying for strength and patience to continue on.
Tonight I choose to keep fighting.  I will lay my head down on my pillow tonight.  But I won't hide there tomorrow.  I will get up and face the day and give it all I have!  And tomorrow night, when I'm exhausted and feeling like I have nothing left . . maybe I'll reread this blog and know that nothing is impossible.  God knows I schedule too much myself.  I know I schedule too much myself.  Yet every time I do this, there is grace (no not my daughter silly!).  Every time there is grace, and patience, and another try to get it right . . it'll happen some day!

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