Sunday, September 25, 2016

Insecurities

I've thought a bit this week about insecurities.
In a house with growing little people, I want to be sure that they understand that you can identify a weakness without it becoming an insecurity.  This is often seen as arrogance or cockiness.  But really it is just identifying as a human being.
I know that I don't always talk like other people.  I tend to skip a lot of the small talk stuff and talk about more real life stuff.  This makes people uncomfortable.  For awhile, especially when I was younger, I was insecure about my lack of social etiquette with conversation.  And I was insecure about it because I knew it made people uncomfortable.  I'd try to do the small talk thing.  And then, there I'd go, opening my mouth and having these words come out that were too close to a person's life and feelings and I'd make it awkward.
Over time though, I found that this weakness is nothing to be insecure about.  I will never be the social butterfly flitting around a social engagement.  And I will always put off some people.  Now in life, I am perfectly ok with that!  My line of talking is not for everyone.  But it is right for me.  And if you can stand talking to me, then it's ok with you too I suppose.  If you can't stand talking to me, eh, join the line ;)
Seriously though, trying to fit in to socially acceptable lines of conversation would be trading in who I am.  And why would I want to do that?  I've tried to see if this is something that I just need to work on - because there are those things in life too.  But it's not.  It's just me.
I share this with my children.  I make people uneasy.  I'm outspoken at a fairly personal level, and that puts people off.  But I'm rarely pushy or mean.  I just say what I think needs to be said, as respectfully as I can.
So to my child who doesn't want to join in with how the others act, don't - don't do it, don't lose yourself, you are enough just as you are.  To my child who wonders if a not-fitting-in style is too much, it isn't - it isn't at all, your style is perfect, just like you.  To my child who thinks too much about everything, all the time, keep thinking everything - you have beautiful thoughts.  And to my child who worries what others see when they look, forget them - I'm much more concerned about what you think when you look at yourself; you and God are the only opinions about yourself that matter.
Tonight I am thankful that I am not perfect.  I am thankful that I have a million and one stories to back this up and I can share them with my kiddos.  Their imperfections make them beautiful, unique, treasured, and loved.  And the best part is that God is a master of using weaknesses to become strengths and using insecurities to become what gives you courage.

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