Monday, September 12, 2016

Pushing

Last week I lost about three pounds.  I was beyond excited!  My body has been being . . difficult, to put it nicely.  
I was a little heavier than I was comfortable with a year ago.  Then when I hurt my knee, it just went down hill.  And it wasn't just the more sedentary days.  There was the thyroid thing, that I'm still working on.  And some hormonal things and who knows what else was going haywire.  But it was frustrating.
Throughout the past year I have made several attempts to get myself back in to shape.  But I never did well with it.  I'm used to the way my body used to work.  And I'm used to being able to push my body hard like I used to.  And my old ways weren't working.  I was eating about 1500 calories a day and gaining weight.  That is ridiculously, maddeningly, frustrating.  This wasn't like 1500 calories of junk. This was good food, planned specifically.  It didn't matter.  It seemed that my body wanted to be fluffier.
What's worse is the way I've been feeling about myself.  I don't want to look in mirrors.  I don't want to try on clothes.  I don't like how I am and I haven't been sure how to fix it.
This may sound silly now, but the thing that has changed is being able to run again.  It's not even like I'm at the track everyday or anything.  I'm really trying to take this slow so that I don't overdo anything . . fighting my natural style with that endeavour!  But I'm excited.  And I'm ready . . ready to be healthier again!  My goal of running a mile by my birthday is still possibly more of a dream.  But I'm working on it.  My knee is responding well and I'm finding the rest of me needs some work!  An hour on the elliptical at a good pace and resistance is not the same endurance as running, I can tell you that right now!
Tonight I am thankful for a renewed appreciation for my body.  I've given up on it quite a bit in the past year, and came back around to trying again and again.  I feel like I have the potential to be back to myself now.  I didn't feel that way a month ago.  I'm thankful for faith in myself.  I'll keep pushing and see how far I get!

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