For years I called one of my children the "wild one" or the "crazy one". I prayed and waited for this child to grow old enough to be able to use common sense in his decisions. I warned teachers that he was not like my other three. (PS I have since figured out that he is well behaved at school - thank heavens! So my warnings probably didn't make sense to the teachers. I remember one look a teacher made that already had him as a student when I was making comments to a teacher of a higher grade. I really wasn't trying to be a negative parent, just a cautious one. PPS I no longer call him my wild or crazy one - figured out my words were not working in the best interest of my child.)
I've known his mind worked different for a long time. I didn't quite realize the extent of it though.
I recently explained it to a family member like this - for three of the children, I can say look over here and think about this. And their minds will cause them to look and think as directed, even continuing on, they will continue on with the thinking and looking at their own pace. For the fourth, his mind isn't starting at the same place a majority of the time. I have to walk thru his head, find where his mind is hanging out, take him by the hand, and lead his mind out to the starting point. Then, and only then, can he look and think as directed.
Standing on the outside can't get him. I can't stay outside of where his mind is, call for him, and expect him to come find his way to where my mind is. It just doesn't work that way. I hope for someday to be able to have things work that way for him, as he continues to grow in understanding. But for now, it doesn't.
His mind is very intelligent, don't get me wrong. Like a transmission, the clutch to come out of his neutral gear is just at a different place than the others. So he takes a little more time. I can't get his mind in to first gear until I find where his clutch is catching. But the time is worth it. And I've already seen such growth in him.
Tonight I talked to a friend who has a similar situation, but to a much larger degree. And I heard it in her voice; the fight, it's tiring and it's defeating at times. Sometimes a parent feels like they are fighting a losing battle. There have been many times that I just need to step away for a minute and cry because it feels like more steps backward and forwards.
But love keeps going. Love is the difference between giving up and digging your heels in to fight even harder, once again. Love is patient and kind - this is true. Love is also the most raw grit, stubborn, never-giving-up thing there is. When everything in front of you says to give up; love says no. Love says don't give in this time. Love says this story is already written and Love Wins!
Tonight I am thankful for the strength in love that pulls you back up off your knees when you've hit bottom. I am thankful for those who never give up . . . it is so very important . . . it means the world and more to the one you are not giving up on!