Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Apologizing for My Temper

Here's something you may or may not know about me:  I can have a bit of a temper.  I sometimes have to apologize for this temper because I can be really blunt and snarky.
About a week ago I got very mad at someone I've known for a long time.  The truth of the matter is that I know we aren't the same level mentally.  I've known this for some time.  Perception of a situation can make or break relationships in life.
I guess I just didn't know exactly how far apart we really were from eye to eye.  We are more like eye to foot.  And there are some topics that I just plain get touchy about.  I am human.
This person hasn't taken my calls for a long time now.  He doesn't reply to messages.  But the few times I've seen him in person the last few years, he has seemed genuinely happy to see me.
Well when I got mad, I figured a text would be the way to go.  I figured I'd lose my cool if I called and he happened to answer this time.  So I wrote and deleted; wrote and deleted; wrote and deleted.  Finally I was ok with what I wrote.  It was to the point, honest, and void of any phrases that tend to slip out of my mouth when I morph in to angry-Jessie, the sailor-mouthed, fire breathing dragon.
Nothing.  No response.
Was he even getting my messages?
I got one sign.  The message went thru.
No response.
I have spent the last week or so continually bringing myself back to prayer.  I can not fix this.  I can not do anything but pray.  So I have been.  I even wrote his name down.  So when I get mad or sad or think of him at all, I will remember to pray for him.
Today was the day to make things right.  I sent another text today.  I apologized for being mean.  I didn't bring up the past.  The past is the past.  It would be wonderful to reach some place where he understands my side and I understand his side.  But it isn't going to happen.  So I just reminded him that I love him.  That's all I can offer, love.
I haven't heard back.
I doubt I will.
But tonight I will sleep good.  I didn't leave things as they were.  I've done all I can do.  Tonight I'll pray for him.  Tomorrow I'll pray for him.  That is all I can do now.
Tonight I am thankful for laying this to rest.  I haven't been at peace since I sent that last message.  Now, I've found peace.  I hope he can find peace also.  I'm praying for that.

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