Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Ugh . . Misconstrued

Many years ago, like decades ago, I decided that a life rule of mine would be to only say something about a person in their absence, that I would say to their face.  It's a good rule.  I stray from it on occasion.  But when I do, I face the music and correct the problem.
That being said, if I have an actual problem with someone, I tend to address it.  When it comes to my children, the same is true - and even more so.
Here's the thing with that - I'm not stupid.  I know I can't fight all my children's battles for them.  We actually talk quite a bit in this house about how to handle situations.  We talk about peoples' intentional and un-intentional influences.  And my goal is to teach my children to handle this.  Because, this is life.  They need to know these things.
Today I apparently got some people cautious as I wrote paragraphs commending my daughter on how she handled a situation.  One sentence was picked out of those paragraphs and brought to my attention.  I'm currently taking deep breaths and working to let this go.
First of all, the entire point of being proud of my daughter for handling a situation where she did not go with the norm was missed completely.  Secondly, if I have a problem with someone, I'll come out and say it.  So if the reader of my paragraphs is now reading this blog - I want to assure you that if I were upset, you would know about it.  I was not calling anyone names.  I was not saying anyone was not good at their job.  I was saying a 13 year old girl was being asked repeatedly by several different people of all ages "why aren't you doing this?".  This creates pressure to anyone, especially a teenager.
You are allowed to ask her.  And she has learned how to answer.  That was the point of the post actually . . . me being proud of her for how she handled it.  "Pressure" as I referred to it, is a vague word.  I sometimes feel pressure to make my children wear pants without holes in them.  And when I choose to have them wear pants with holes in them, I am prepared to answer any and all questions about that decision.  This does not mean that I have a problem with people who ask me about my children wearing pants with holes in knees.  It is a perfectly logical question.  And I have a perfectly logical answer - sometimes I honestly don't care.  If they have on more than underwear then I consider it a win.  I don't care if you like my answer or my decision because I can defend them in a way that is right for me.  The pressure is there, and I handle it.  Ta-Da.
That is the point.  Pressure is real in life.  I would not ask someone not to pressure my children in a manner such as asking them questions about their decisions.  Of course I am talking about staying in a healthy limit.  If the pressure turns to harassment . . . well then we have a problem and I will show up in your doorway so we can have a chat.
Until that happens, be rest assured that my point today was only to commend my daughter on handing a difficult decision with grace and determination.  Heck, there are adults who can't do what she's just done.  And I am proud, proud, proud of her.  That is the point entirely.
Tonight I am thankful for my daughter making the best decision for herself and sticking with it!  That is all I have to say.  I'm done with the rest.  This is about her and her alone!  She did awesome!  :)

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