Sunday, April 30, 2017

Spa Night In

 A week or so ago I watched a nail painting video on facebook.
The girls and I talked about going to the nail place today.  But, well I really didn't feel like spending money for three for pampering that we can do at home.
Instead, we decided to have a Spa night-in.  We did face masks and nails.
Tonight I am thankful for a fun night in with my girls :)  I may not be ready to open my own nail salon . . but the girls liked it.  And they always have so much fun laughing together :)





Saturday, April 29, 2017

Getting Back

I have been feeling like things are getting out of order again.  This seems to happen in the spring more often than not.
We haven't meal planned for the week - and stuck with it - for awhile.  We haven't been very good about the chore planning and payments with the kids.  We have gotten so busy that many important things, little things, have been getting ignored.
It is with great struggle and self-reflection that I sit here tonight knowing things need to change, again.  I realized I had given up on my resolve to make things stick lately.  A person gets too busy and they just don't care anymore.  That's been me.  To a point, that's ok because I can get thru without going crazy.  But it's not entirely ok because then I have a moment of reflection and see how much work I've created for myself to get back on track again.  Such is life, right?
Tonight I am thankful for a chance to get back on track . . again.  We only fail when we quit trying.  It does seem that every time I start trying again, it's a little easier and I have a little less farther to go to get back.

Friday, April 28, 2017

The Weekend

This was set to be a busy weekend with one event.
Then another got added.
Then another.
Then another.
I've been stressing just a little bit.  I've been trying not to stress.
I've had only slight ideas of how to make everything work logistically.  I'm still not 100% sure how to fit everything in tomorrow.  But we'll do it.
Tonight I am thankful that nothing is impossible!  We will find a way!  With a little patience, a little creativity, and a lot of caffeine!!

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Pieces Falling

I am so excited . . and so torn!
It is exciting to see so many pieces of a big puzzle falling in to place!  I am trying to move securely and steadily forward to continue on.
The problem is doing the things that need to be done in the meantime!!  I want to ignore everything on my desk and just dream the day away!  I have so many things I want to read and look in to!  I just need time!  I'm getting there . . . .
Today I pulled out my three main goals for both business for the second quarter of 2017.  I'm doing alright in some areas . . not all.  It's good to stay on track.  I may have to print these goals out and keep them in front of my face.  You know what?  I will do that.  I will print them out right now!
Ok, I'm back!  They are printed and taped to my wall!
Tonight I am thankful for the excitement of seeing where things can go!  I am thankful for the drive to keep moving forward!  And I am thankful for patience . . I truly need more of that . .  but I'm working on it!

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Ugh . . Misconstrued

Many years ago, like decades ago, I decided that a life rule of mine would be to only say something about a person in their absence, that I would say to their face.  It's a good rule.  I stray from it on occasion.  But when I do, I face the music and correct the problem.
That being said, if I have an actual problem with someone, I tend to address it.  When it comes to my children, the same is true - and even more so.
Here's the thing with that - I'm not stupid.  I know I can't fight all my children's battles for them.  We actually talk quite a bit in this house about how to handle situations.  We talk about peoples' intentional and un-intentional influences.  And my goal is to teach my children to handle this.  Because, this is life.  They need to know these things.
Today I apparently got some people cautious as I wrote paragraphs commending my daughter on how she handled a situation.  One sentence was picked out of those paragraphs and brought to my attention.  I'm currently taking deep breaths and working to let this go.
First of all, the entire point of being proud of my daughter for handling a situation where she did not go with the norm was missed completely.  Secondly, if I have a problem with someone, I'll come out and say it.  So if the reader of my paragraphs is now reading this blog - I want to assure you that if I were upset, you would know about it.  I was not calling anyone names.  I was not saying anyone was not good at their job.  I was saying a 13 year old girl was being asked repeatedly by several different people of all ages "why aren't you doing this?".  This creates pressure to anyone, especially a teenager.
You are allowed to ask her.  And she has learned how to answer.  That was the point of the post actually . . . me being proud of her for how she handled it.  "Pressure" as I referred to it, is a vague word.  I sometimes feel pressure to make my children wear pants without holes in them.  And when I choose to have them wear pants with holes in them, I am prepared to answer any and all questions about that decision.  This does not mean that I have a problem with people who ask me about my children wearing pants with holes in knees.  It is a perfectly logical question.  And I have a perfectly logical answer - sometimes I honestly don't care.  If they have on more than underwear then I consider it a win.  I don't care if you like my answer or my decision because I can defend them in a way that is right for me.  The pressure is there, and I handle it.  Ta-Da.
That is the point.  Pressure is real in life.  I would not ask someone not to pressure my children in a manner such as asking them questions about their decisions.  Of course I am talking about staying in a healthy limit.  If the pressure turns to harassment . . . well then we have a problem and I will show up in your doorway so we can have a chat.
Until that happens, be rest assured that my point today was only to commend my daughter on handing a difficult decision with grace and determination.  Heck, there are adults who can't do what she's just done.  And I am proud, proud, proud of her.  That is the point entirely.
Tonight I am thankful for my daughter making the best decision for herself and sticking with it!  That is all I have to say.  I'm done with the rest.  This is about her and her alone!  She did awesome!  :)

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Right Where

We are all human.  We all have moments where we question what we are doing and why we are doing it.  If we don't have a good "why"; then we have trouble with life.  People are meant to have a purpose.
Right now, my "why" is changing.  It's shifting from being behind to planning ahead.  On the surface, we weren't behind on anything really.  Rediscovering truths about debt shined a light on the fact that we were in fact behind.  We weren't free to do as we pleased because "the borrower is servant to the lender".  We are working on the house next.  And while we work on that, life is shifting.  So much is shifting.
It looks like nothing on the surface.  This isn't the shifting change that is visible like when a tide changes and the waves show the new direction.  This is a shift inside us.  It is empowering and freeing.  And at times, a little scary.  When you in the chains of debt, you know where you are going - you are going to work and you are paying your bills. Or else you are going to be in a world of trouble.  When those chains are gone, you have a whole world open up.  Where to go now?  So many ideas!  The excitement peaks and ebbs.  And it takes time.  I'll be awhile because I get rather stuck in patterns of work, work, work!  Especially now because I have so many plans that are to change so much!  There is so much to do!
I look at my family, and it isn't just me.  They are ready for new and exciting things too!  We've been on this journey together!  And we are ready for the next adventure together!
Two steps forward and one step back sometimes.  Or so it seems.  I get rather impatient with this in between stuff sometimes.  I try to keep in mind that this in between stuff is a very important part of life!
Then there are moments like today when I am reminded that we are right where we need to be.  If we had skipped over this journey or if we were to skip this in between stuff right now; we would be lacking because of it.  I'm watching my daughter, who made a very responsible, very mature decision, deal with the stress of standing up to questions about her decisions.  And she is rocking it.  It is wearing her down a bit.  But she's doing amazing!  I am so proud!
We are all where we need to be to learn to be strong and steadfast, faithful that God is always with us and there to help even when we do mess up in life!
Tonight I am thankful for the journey of life, yes.  Tonight though, especially for our recent journey.  We are all learning and growing as a family.  And that is invaluable!

Visitor!

We have a visitor.
The kids love when Uncle Bill comes to visit!!
Tonight's blog is short because it's late and I've been up chatting.
Tonight I am thankful that Bill is here to visit!  The kids are thankful too!

Sunday, April 23, 2017

What a Night!

It was several weeks ago now that I first saw a thing online for a dance show at the Fox Theater.  I thought it would be great to surprise the girls with!
I couldn't wait.  I told them about it the day that I ordered the tickets.  I was so excited to take them!  The girls have never been to Detroit, let alone the Fox theater.  I've taken the boys to Tiger's games and to see the Lions play.  So this was extra exciting that it would be the girls' first time to such a big city!
It was a fun drive there, listening to the girls as they took in all the city sights!  The show was wonderful!  The theater amazing, of course!  The drive home was a blast, listening to the girls laugh and joke with each other!
Tonight I am thankful for a wonderful night with my girls!  This is a night that I'm sure they'll remember for a lifetime :)  And the girls were very happy that we didn't get mugged ;)


Saturday, April 22, 2017

Worth the Wait

My youngest child is not known for his patience.
10 seconds seems like 10 hours to him.
Last weekend he received a birthday gift of a gift card to Toys R Us.  It has been driving him absolutely crazy that he hasn't been able to use it yet.
He's gotten online and picked out things a couple times.  But he kept changing his mind.  Today, a week later, the boy finally got to go to Toys R Us!
He made a beeline to the Skylanders.  "This way mom!"  He didn't want to stop and look at anything else.  He even walked by the Pokemon cards.  He did give them a half second stare on his way past.
When we walked up to the Skylanders, he was so excited to find that they were on sale!  Up to $10 off some Skylanders!
Tonight I am thankful for a good sale at Toys R US.  This sale made his long wait much more worth it to spend his gift card and get another extra Skylander!!



Friday, April 21, 2017

Unwinding

I have officially given this week everything that I have!
I called it a day a bit early today and escaped to a nice hot tub with wonderful Epsom salts!  The problem with doing that too early in the day is that I had to get out and put on real clothes and still do stuff.  I prefer to leave a nice, relaxing bath, put on pj's and go to bed!  :)  I'm even thinking about a second bath; from which I can go right to bed this time!!
After the first bath and the putting on of real clothes, there was a little dance party here in my office.  Two of my kiddos came in; we turned the music up and had some fun :)
Tonight I am thankful for unwinding a bit tonight!  I'm glad for a lot of good progress this week!  And I am thankful that tomorrow morning this house is sleeping in!!!



Thursday, April 20, 2017

The Big Day!

Tomorrow is the big day!
Let me digress for a minute.
Last year I worked like crazy with a huge goal in mind to become debt free!  And we did it!  This year I wanted to work less.
I worked less for about two months.
Then we've had some ongoing tenant/rental home issues.  We have more repairs to do to our own house.  There are just these big ticket items staring at us that make me cringe at the thought of working so much again.  But it seems almost necessary.  But I won't do it.
There had to be a better way.
I'm working on it.
I found two major overhauls to my current system.  And time just seems to be dragging to get them implemented!!  One overhaul is with a start-up company.  They have a wonderful product.  But they do not have the staff to keep up with their demand.  Once I realized this, I've been calling them regularly.  I'm being polite.  But I'm keeping myself at the top of their list!
I started this quarter of 2017 with specific goals for business improvement and I intend on hitting them!
Tomorrow, over a breakfast meeting I will roll out the new systems to my gal who keeps me from going crazy with all this work!  We're going to get this thing down pat soon!  And I'll keep looking still for ways to improve!
So far I've had to delay this meeting twice now.  Two weeks have gone by waiting for a break in work and waiting for the new systems to be in place.  Two weeks of working my butt off knowing that it should be easier if the new systems were in place.  Two weeks of begrudgingly trying hard, wishing for a break in time enough to make improvements.  Two Weeks Ends Tomorrow!
Tonight I am thankful that tomorrow is the day!  I know there may be some hiccups still.  I'm not expecting perfection.  But I'm looking forward to improvement and efficiency for sure!

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Apologizing for My Temper

Here's something you may or may not know about me:  I can have a bit of a temper.  I sometimes have to apologize for this temper because I can be really blunt and snarky.
About a week ago I got very mad at someone I've known for a long time.  The truth of the matter is that I know we aren't the same level mentally.  I've known this for some time.  Perception of a situation can make or break relationships in life.
I guess I just didn't know exactly how far apart we really were from eye to eye.  We are more like eye to foot.  And there are some topics that I just plain get touchy about.  I am human.
This person hasn't taken my calls for a long time now.  He doesn't reply to messages.  But the few times I've seen him in person the last few years, he has seemed genuinely happy to see me.
Well when I got mad, I figured a text would be the way to go.  I figured I'd lose my cool if I called and he happened to answer this time.  So I wrote and deleted; wrote and deleted; wrote and deleted.  Finally I was ok with what I wrote.  It was to the point, honest, and void of any phrases that tend to slip out of my mouth when I morph in to angry-Jessie, the sailor-mouthed, fire breathing dragon.
Nothing.  No response.
Was he even getting my messages?
Yep.
I got one sign.  The message went thru.
No response.
I have spent the last week or so continually bringing myself back to prayer.  I can not fix this.  I can not do anything but pray.  So I have been.  I even wrote his name down.  So when I get mad or sad or think of him at all, I will remember to pray for him.
Today was the day to make things right.  I sent another text today.  I apologized for being mean.  I didn't bring up the past.  The past is the past.  It would be wonderful to reach some place where he understands my side and I understand his side.  But it isn't going to happen.  So I just reminded him that I love him.  That's all I can offer, love.
I haven't heard back.
I doubt I will.
But tonight I will sleep good.  I didn't leave things as they were.  I've done all I can do.  Tonight I'll pray for him.  Tomorrow I'll pray for him.  That is all I can do now.
Tonight I am thankful for laying this to rest.  I haven't been at peace since I sent that last message.  Now, I've found peace.  I hope he can find peace also.  I'm praying for that.


Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Have To

I said I wasn't going to do it again.  I wasn't going to do another night with just 4 hours of sleep.  But I did it . . last night.
I had client files that had to be done.  I had appointments today.  And one very important meeting first thing this morning.  I just had more to do in a day than hours in the day.  
I still have a lot on my desk.  I was going to come home from my evening showings and bust out some more work.  But guess what?  It ain't happening.
Aside from a few extra yawns, I've actually hung in there pretty well today.  But now, it's over.  I'm heading to bed.
Tonight I am thankful for bedtime.  I'm thankful for the state of being tired where I no longer care about this work on my desk . . . I'll get to it tomorrow.  Good Night All!

Monday, April 17, 2017

Bed Shopping

Once upon a time in a land far, far away there was a couple who had a dog who was getting older.  He had arthritis and was moving around slower and slower.  The couple decided they should get a puppy.  Maybe the puppy would encourage the older dog to be a little more playful again.  And with two kids still very young, the puppy could grow up with the kids.The husband wanted to get a pit bull.  The wife wasn't 100% on board with the idea; but reluctantly agreed.
The puppy came to live with them and was the sweetest little dog!  Over the years, two more children came along.  The puppy grew up.  She had puppies of her own!  One litter with the older dog as the father.  The wife wanted to keep one of the puppies from her favorite old dog.  And one sad day, the older dog passed away.
The pit bull proved to be the picture perfect dog!  The children of the house are her kids.  And she loves her kids more than life itself.  She watches over them.  She waits for them.  She's protected them when she didn't trust strangers who came to the house.
Every night she climbs the stairs to sleep with the kids.  The last several mornings she has had a very hard time coming down the stairs in the morning.  Quite frankly, I'm getting concerned.  She'll be 11 this summer.  She does really well for her age!  Especially considering the girl got shot in the spine with an arrow years ago.  But I think it's time to put up a gate and keep her off the stairs.  I'm getting worried that she is going to fall one of these times.
Tonight I am thankful for my Molly girl :)  She is the best dog I could have dreamed of to help me raise the kids.  Yes, she helps me.  This weekend I'm going to reorganize our bedroom and make room for a new doggy bed.  If you have any dog bed recommendations for a dog who is used to sharing twin size beds with children, please pass them my way.  We have the regular dog beds in the living room.  But I think I'm going to need a deluxe model.  She's going to be heartbroken that she can't go upstairs with the kids!

*Here is a picture of her stealing the little dog's bed.  We really do have a giant doggie pillow for her . . . she occasionally likes to feel cozy though :)


Sunday, April 16, 2017

Two for One

I was worried about today . .. for almost a year.  It was some time around April of 2016 when my boy realized that in 2017 his birthday would be on Easter.  He was so excited!  His favorite holiday is Easter, and has been for some time now.  He likes Christmas, don't get me wrong.  But he LOVES Easter.
This is our first birthday and holiday combo.  I wanted to make sure there was enough specialness for each kiddo with two special days combined in to one!
About three weeks ago, the soon-to-be-birthday-boy came to me with a cake book.  He had selected a cake for breakfast, one for lunch, and one for dinner.  He was pretty adamant that he should be able to do this since it was his birthday and Easter.  It took awhile to get thru to him that we would only be doing one birthday cake!  Fortunately, once he accepted the news; he was ok with it.
We had vague plans for dinner.  But after a huge Easter lunch with grandparents, we weren't really feeling like dinner.  The birthday boy then decided he wanted Pizza Hut.  I called.  And they were open today.  Well, why not?  So the birthday boy and I took off to get some Pizza Hut.  Besides the pizza, he like the one on one time with Momma too ;)
Back home, his sister had asked if she could make his presents in to a game.  On Easter, the kids always have clues to follow to find their baskets every year.  I love this tradition!  It was one that I used to do when I was a kid too.  And sister wanted to expand the tradition to his presents this year.  It was a great idea!
His clues led him around the yard, back and forth.  And while he was outside, the kids moved the presents in to the table where we had just sang to him and gave him his cake.  When he got back in, he found the irony of running all around outside to come back to the same table he had started from :)  That was funny!
Tonight I am thankful for a wonderful day today!  Everyone seemed to have a wonderful day enjoying Easter and C's birthday!  Happy Easter everyone out there!!  I hope you had a wonderful day too!


Saturday, April 15, 2017

Kitties

I have always been a cat person.  When I was a kid I always had a lot of barn cats.
I've seen numerous kittens right after they were born!  I've seen Momma cats when they were getting ready to have babies.  But, I honestly don't think I've ever seen kitties actually being born.
I've seen the dog have her puppies.  She tried to climb in my lap to have them.  I appreciated the trust . . but, that wasn't on my agenda!  But never a cat.
Today my oldest barn cat was acting very ready to have her babies.  This morning she found herself a nice spot to lay in.  I went away for a few hours.  When I came back she was laying there snuggling with another cat.  I went away for maybe an hour.  When I came back she was by herself and she was having some big contractions.
Three of the four children came to see the babies being born.  I heard "Ew!" and "Gross!".  One child turned and ran out of the barn.  Two children were pretty concerned!
This Momma cat is a pro.  And she was fine with the audience.  But, I didn't want to push her patience.  So I shewed the kids out of the barn after the first baby was cleaned up.
Tonight I am thankful for healthy baby kittens today!  I was hoping for something other than black.  We have like 500 black cats already.  Alright, maybe not really 500.  All the barn cats except one are black.  I'm still heavily considering a plaque for the yard that says "Black Cat Farm" :)


Friday, April 14, 2017

Good For You!

I see you there!  Look at you!  You made it to Friday night!!  You worked hard all week long!
Maybe you'll be working this weekend?  Yeah, me too.  Don't worry about that right now.  Right now be happy you made it to now!
This was a long week!  Here on my end I was working hard to keep up with lots of work while working on new stuff to make the lots of work take less time.  One of those things . . I can't have more time until I take extra time to make the things work that will take less time.  Did you follow that?  ;)
Tonight I am thankful that we all made it to Friday night!  Woo Hoo!  Congratulate yourself!  You did it!  Good job!!





Thursday, April 13, 2017

At the Edge!

I've never rode a wave.  I've never climbed a mountain.  But I have been feeling lately like I'm on the verge of something great!  A feeling like I would imagine I would have if I were to jump on a wave or break over a hard place with a clean path to the top of the mountain!
I've been chomping at the bit with all these ideas lately!  In the past, when I've gotten so many ideas, some would fall by the wayside.  And some of these may not work out.  But most of these are going to be great!
I sat in my car yesterday while my daughter was at dance and I wrote out three major action plan items for both of my businesses and for my personal life for this second quarter of 2017.  Now I am working on the sub points to make these action items happen!  I want to make sure no great idea is left behind in the tornado of excitement that is going on inside me right now!
Tomorrow I have a rather long conference/meeting thing to set up something which should save me hours every week.  HOURS . . . . EACH WEEK!!!!
I have an email sitting in my inbox with a new idea.  And if it works out; it would save me even more hours each week!  This is good stuff!
I am learning to give my goals better direction and better consideration.  I've always thought that I'm pretty good at goals and working towards them.  My new studies are showing better ways.  And I'm working on it!
Tonight I am thankful for this excitement driving me forward!!  I hope tomorrow goes wonderfully!  And this weekend I will have time to review all the new information sent to me today!  These are game changers!  Big game changers!!

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Inspired

I recently signed up with a mentorship program thru Dave Ramsey's EntreLeadership division.  I wish I had hours on end to spend pouring over the materials!  The little I've been involved in so far has been amazing!
Today was my first video conference meeting of the Mastermind group.  W.O.W.  It was good :)  I was rather reluctant to even call in.  I'm not fond of meetings.  And I am even less fond of talking to strangers in formal group settings.  But, I was pleasantly surprised today!  This particular group will meet virtually once a month.
I have a call in every week.  So it must be a different specialty of group next week?  I'm sure that information is in there somewhere.
Today's meeting though had members reporting back on their first quarter goals that they made at the beginning of the year.  Some met their goals.  Some did not.  But the conversation was positive for all parties!  People were sharing ideas and strategies.  It was quite exciting!
Tonight I am thankful for the EntreLeadership program!  I had decided to try it out just to see if there was anything of value.  Oh yes, there is more value in this thing than I am paying for.  And I love a good deal :)

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

No Lunch

I was ready for a fight this afternoon.
It started this morning.  I don't know if it was the lack of candy this morning perhaps?  Whatever the reason, my boys had the ambition of snails this morning while getting ready for school.
One child in particular chose to ignore every time I said "pack your lunch".  I heard how we have nothing that he likes to eat.  I heard how he planned on buying his lunch today - although he had no money for that.  When it was time to go, I begrudgingly took pity on him, threw some food in a container and gave it to him in the car.
Then I got a phone call around lunch time.  My children cannot charge their lunches at school.  I set this up this way after lunch abuse last year.  The school just wanted to check, as my son was there trying to charge a lunch.  He said he didn't have his lunch.  I went out to the car to look.  And sure enough, there was the lunch sitting there in the seat.  I said, "No, he cannot charge a lunch today."
When he got home today, he said he really did forget his lunch.  I asked why he didn't put it in his backpack.  And he said he was going to carry it, then forgot when he was rushing out of the car.  We were a little late this morning.  So maybe that's true.  BUT, that doesn't negate the fact that he could have packed his own lunch and put it in his own backpack at any point this morning.  And yes, I pointed that out to him.
Tonight I am thankful for lessons learned the hard way.  Believe me, I would much rather have my children learn lessons the easy way.  But sometimes that just doesn't happen.  Today's food-less lunch seems to have made an impression on a little tummy.  I suppose I'll find out tomorrow!

Monday, April 10, 2017

Go Kiddos!

The first day back to school after a break is never easy.  Or, at least it isn't usually easy.
This morning my kids all got up well.  Ok, so I bribed them with Hershey's Kisses.  They were all up and at 'em in record time!
Somehow they all kept up a good momentum.  They ate breakfast.  They got dressed.  They brushed their teeth.  And somehow all four children were ready for school early today.  I was impressed!
Tonight I am thankful that this morning went so well!  It was a great way to start any day; especially the Monday after spring break!

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Beautiful!

I am not complaining.  This winter has been fairly mild.  So I'm really not complaining at all.  But man, the sun and warmth was wonderful today!!
I had a little work to do.  Driving around I saw so many motorcycles!  I saw people sun bathing.  I saw people in bathing suits . . . I didn't think it was quite that warm myself.  But I'm a typically cold person anyway.
I was driving with my windows down!  Without the heat on!  Sometimes I roll down the windows in like 50 degree weather and blast the heat; just to get that fresh air in the car.
Tonight I am thankful for an absolutely beautiful day today!  It was wonderful!  I hope you all had got to enjoy the weather too!

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Let It Die

I am a dreamer.  I dream and I hope for the world to be a nice place and the people in it to be loving, caring and kind.
I am a realist.  I understand that this will not happen.  But I hold out a hope that in my corner of the world, maybe things can be a little brighter.  Maybe if I'm patient enough and understanding enough, love can prevail.
I am a fighter.  I fight for the things I believe in; knowing that sometimes the fight is simply standing strong and letting everything else swirl around me.
I am human.  As hard as I try not to, I hurt sometimes.  I remind myself that most things are not intended to destroy my faith.  " Father forgive them for they know not what they do."  It's a truth.  So many people hurt others without knowledge of their actions.  I try to keep this in mind - the unintentional pain caused by selfish and self-centered behavior is just that . . unintentional; because the other person wasn't thinking about me.  Wasn't thinking about how I'd feel or what I care or think or want.  It isn't a flattering thought at all.  But it's a true thought that I learned at an early age in life.  It doesn't make hurt any less.  But I suppose it takes a little sting off.  And it certainly makes the hurt not last as long. . . sometimes.
Tonight a part of my heart is seared . . maybe that's the right word?  Not broken.  It's already been broken.  There's been cracks.  They've been growing larger.  Today it became blatantly obvious that my heart needed some boundaries.  Some people, we are just meant to love from afar.  Some people can't be trusted to care for a heart because their number one concern is themselves . .  and they can't see me when they are looking at themselves so much.
Oh yes, I am loyal too.  That's a problem sometimes.  I am drawing a boundary there also.  Some people we are just meant to love from afar.  Loyalty can be deceiving when it is spent on someone who doesn't appreciate it . . let alone notice it.
Turning one's back is much, much different than stepping away to make a safe boundary from destructive and manipulative behavior.  If the cold is what was felt, it was because the accuser built the ice damn around their heart first.  My heart is still warm.  It is still glowing.  But it is no longer available to you.  I will love from afar.  I will love you for the person that you used to be and the person that you could be in life.  I wish you all good things.  But I no longer ever expect or desire to be a part of them.  Your actions have shown your priorities in life.  And someone who wouldn't allow themselves to be used or support your self-destructive behavior just didn't make the list.
Tonight I am thankful for good memories.  I forgive the bad memories.  But I remember them also.  I have to, because honestly, I really don't have the best track record for concrete boundaries.  Because I am a dreamer.  I hope and dream for things to change.  But I am a realist.  I see they won't.  I've believed things would change too many times and all I've done is put cracks in my heart.  I wish you well.  I want you to have a good and happy life.  But I'm simply not going to be a part of it.

Friday, April 7, 2017

Understanding

This hangs on my wall in my office.  I can look over at it all day long if I need to.  It is sometimes easy to lose motivation until I glance to my left.
Like this week.  This week has been spring break.  And I've been working like a dog.  I am very thankful that the kids and I went off and had fun yesterday!  To allow for that, I haven't slept enough all week.  And I am even more thankful that the kids have had fun just being home and being kids.   Today there were Lego villages and blanket forts and popcorn parties.
I remind the kids now and then.  I want them to understand.  Their father and I working so much is with a purpose.  We are working thru these steps.  We have a good end goal here . . . peace.  Financial peace.  I hope they see all this trouble we are going thru because we once lived like everyone else.  Credit cards and loans are "normal".  And we were normal.  We decided two years ago that we don't want to be normal anymore.  We don't want to worry about money anymore.  We don't want to live like that.  We want to be able to help those that need help.  We want to be able to enjoy things.  We decided not to just stick our heads in the sand and hope that tomorrow would be better.  We did research.  We made a game plan.  We have fallen down and gotten back up countless times.  But we have been going forward.
I pray that my kids take note of this time.  I hope they think of this when they grow up and someone offers for them to buy something on credit.  I hope they remember that "the borrower is the servant of the lender".  I hope they choose to wait until they have the cash for what they want.  I hope they live in peace, even and especially financial peace.
This week I have sat in a courthouse with people 20 years older than myself who aren't sure where they are going to live in a month.  They have no financial peace and they have no plan.  I plan on giving them a copy of Dave Ramsey's book.  This week I have listened to people 30 years older than myself who are going to lose their house because a life of debt was "normal", until they retired and life happened.  This week I have prayed for these people and have been thankful that we can learn from their mistakes without going down that road ourselves.
Tonight I am thankful for a conversation with a kiddo today that reminded me that maybe the kids are paying attention.  He was looking at our 6 Month Emergency Fund chart and asking questions.  He liked that this would be our safety net is something unexpected were to happen.  He's understanding some steps to live with peace, financial peace . . it's important.


Thursday, April 6, 2017

Fun!

Today was our day of fun adventure for spring break!  The start of the morning was stressful and uncomfortable.  But then, I changed my pants in the gas station parking lot, my shirt at a red light, and my shoes in the Burger Kind parking lot where I met the hubster who handed off the kiddos.  I was out of professional clothes, in to my jeans and we were headed east for some fun!
LegoLand was fun!  The Sealife Aquarium was fun!  And, because we had bought our tickets online ahead of time, we got in the short lines :)  I like the short lines!
The kids and I have had talks before about souvenirs and how they are usually over priced.  I was inspired by the reasonably priced Lego people.  The kids got to build their own Lego people out of a whole tub of pieces!  And if you bought two, the third was free!  At the aquarium I found a clearance section . . . and a cheap, adorable jellyfish by the check-out!  Ok, maybe I have a small problem!  But, we didn't over spend.  The Lego people have been a huge hit already.  And my new little jelly fish has such a cute smile!  I think I may hang him from my office ceiling to greet people!
Tonight I am thankful for our day of adventure of fun!  I am thankful for finding reasonably priced souvenirs!  But I am even more thankful for the absolutely free memories that we will all have for years to come!


Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Personal, not Business

"It's not personal, (it's business)."  "What is that supposed to mean?  I am so sick of that.  All that means is that it wasn't personal to you.  But it was personal to me.  It's personal to a lot of people.  And what's so wrong with being personal anyway? . . . Whatever else anything is, it out to begin by being personal".
That is from You've Got Mail . . one of my favorite movies!  Regardless if you like the movie or not, it's a good quote.  We are trained to go to work and play a game and lose the personal aspect of ourselves to become a mold of what a "good employee" is.  I can tell you right now that I'm always too personal.  That plays in to my working for myself thing.  I don't mold.  And I don't play games well.  Oh, and I have lots of opinions, a lot of questions and a big mouth ;)
Anyway, there are times when business being personal is hard.  I would love to remove myself a little more from my day to day work sometimes.  It's just not who I am.
This would play in to the constant re-setting I've been doing with myself lately.  Tomorrow morning is court day.  I know I'm right.  I've felt mean and guilty for awhile.  I reviewed my file and I've actually been extremely lenient and patient.  I have no doubt I will ruled in favor of tomorrow.  I'm not worried about that.  I'm not looking forward to being there and seeing the other people - if they show up.  Then it gets personal.  They've made it personal on several occasions.
Even personal, I'm still right.  I have several documents to show that.  I keep reminding myself of that.  I tried to help them.  But you can't save people that don't want to be saved.
Deep breaths . . deep breaths . . . perspective is key and reminding myself of facts.  It'd be easier if I could switch off the personal aspect.  Nope, not gonna happen though apparently.
Tonight I am thankful that something being personal doesn't mean being a push-over.  If I could leave my feelings in a manila envelope and shove them in a drawer for tomorrow, I totally would!  But, I can't.  So tomorrow it'll be personal; it'll be business; and it'll be one more step to being over.  I can't wait.

Reminding

Sometimes you choose to make things a little rough to enjoy things later.  The first part of that sentence would be where I'm at right now.  With large repair numbers floating thru my head, I am accepting all work that comes across my desk.
Accepting all work and kids home on spring break involves a bit of guilt on my part.  Now mind you, they are doing fine.  I mean my blog last night was completely truthful about them having fun and just enjoying life.  *sigh*  I still don't like the thought of work so much when they are home this week.  Next week?  Sure, why not.  But this week?  Bleh.
Well I have one adventurous day planned this week when we will leave the house and try something new!  BUT, to do that and continue on with all this work I've accepted, that means I'm working even more right now to squeeze a day of fun.  It will most definitely be completely worth it!  And, this whole experience once again solidifies the idea that the next time we have a rental property, we will have a very different procedure in place!
Tonight I am thankful once again that I have a job that I can make work around my family.  I have to remind myself of that often.  It comes up here in my blog often because I have to remind myself to be thankful of this.  Sometimes it seems like a complete drag to have an office here at home that always has work that needs to be done.  I'd rather punch a time clock on some days.  Ok, not really.  The thought sometimes sounds alluring.  But I've been there and done that and this is much more my style.  So when this job seems like a complete pain in the bum.  I remind myself to be thankful that I can take on more work when my family needs more income.  And I remind myself to be thankful that I can move things around in my schedule so that on nights like tonight, we can go as a family to a used book sale (2 filled to the brim bags for $18!) and we can have dinner as a family before I headed back in to my office.  This job is a blessing and I do remember that even when I don't want to admit that fact.  Good night all!

Monday, April 3, 2017

Kids Being Kids

One of the things I absolutely love about being a mom is watching my kids just be kids!  There is so much push in this world to grow up too fast and to plug in to any technology available.  I like when the kids forget those things and enjoy life by just being themselves!
Today was one of those days.  The tv was on this morning.  Then it got turned off around 10ish.  Phones had to stay here in my office.  And the kids had to go play.
They played outside for awhile.  The found a mouse in the barn.  They kicked the ball around.  They had a sword fight with the pine tree.  And when it started to rain, they came inside.
One boy played with his toys.  One boy tried to clean his room so he might be allowed to play the Xbox later in the day.  The girls invaded one of the attics and made their own secret area :)  They did a pretty good job, I must say!
Tonight I am thankful for my kids just being kids and enjoying life today!  I hope the rest of their spring break is just as fun; with nothing given to them but an empty day and their imaginations!




Sunday, April 2, 2017

Inspiration

Life is so busy, it is easy to lose inspiration.  Some days I wake up with great thoughts and dreams!  And then after muddling thru a never-ending to-do list, I find myself at bedtime with no recollection of ever touching my dreams for the day.
Part of me just thinks, well that's just life right now.  But a part of me knows there is a better way.  There are some things that I simply cannot change.  But there has to be enough that I can change that it would make a difference!
So I've set different goals this year.  I've been working on restructuring things.  I want things different, and thing will become different.  Still, it gets rather defeating some times.
The past few weeks I've been trying not to get disheartened by our rental property.  Some things have happened there that I am trying to keep in perspective of what a great lesson we will/have learned here.  That is the only good light I have to shine on the situation.  Maybe after court this week, I'll have more light to shine on it . . . but I truly doubt it.  This thing is just going to be put in the "Lessons Learned" category when we can safely put it all behind us.  After all our hard work last year to pay off debt; frankly it just sucks to be looking at some rather large upcoming bills.  And although this situation isn't associated with my businesses; it certainly is taking my time, peace, and thoughts away from the changing and restructuring that I want.  We do have much better insight now on things to do differently next time.
Last Wednesday was when I signed up with the mentoring program thru EntreLeadership.  Today was the first chance that I had to spend time with the program online.  Oh My Gosh!  It is amazing.  There is SO much good information!  I had to stop myself after a few hours.  I could spend weeks immersing myself in this Lake of knowledge and ideas!  This is the kind of thing I need!  I have my first weekly meeting this week with the peer group.  This is wonderful!
Tonight I am thankful for another source of inspiration to keep pressing forward!  I will not get distracted!  And although sometimes I'm crawling along; I'll keep moving forward!  After time like today, I'm skipping forward with an inspired smile on my face!

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Burned

I was in the bathroom . . (sorry if that's too much information, but that's where I was), when I heard the scream.  It was one of those screams when you know the kids are really hurt and not just faking.  Of course from where I was, I couldn't go right away to help.
My darling daughter was trying to make instant mashed potatoes.  She had boiling water in a bowl in the microwave.  She grabbed the bowl with her bare hands and started to remove it from the microwave.  I don't know if the bowl slipped or if she let go when the hot bowl started to burn her little hands :(  But the bowl fell and broke, spilling boiling water on her hand, wrist, and chest.
She was very red.
It looked like her chest was starting to welt.  I had her hold her hand under the water and we had a cool washcloth on her chest.  After ten minutes or so, we headed off to Urgent Care.  On the way there, I glanced over at her hand and noticed that it looked a little better.  I pulled over and inspected her, she seemed to be getting better in areas.  And her chest didn't look really welt-ey anymore.  So we changed directions to the store to get some burn lotion.
She's still a little red in places.  The wonderful world of the Internet suggests first degree burns from the pictures available.  She'll be ok.
Tonight I am thankful that minor burns is all that happened - and that the burns were only in a couple places.  This could have been a LOT worse.  We reviewed how to remove hot things from the microwave, or stove, or anywhere.  And we reviewed that this one incident should not invoke a fear of all things hot.  I pray she wakes tomorrow even more healed and feeling better!